"i need a break from this loneliness that is totally consuming me"

This week, I feel so restless. I think I'm tired of doing this blogskin. Ouhh yar, see my latest skin. =) Nothing much.

---------- nina ----------

Suria is now showing "Jelita". I've watched the whole sinetron two years ago. And damn, it's so twisted but exciting. Wanna know how it ends? You guys may think that eventually, Jelita (Agnes Monica) will live happily ever after with Bayu (Dirly Idol). But, no! They did get together even after knowing that Jelita is actually poor. But in the end, Jelita got together with Bayu's cousin (not hot! he's tall, skinny and ugly). They got married btw. And have a child. But! The child, named Cantik, is blind. She's kinda premature because Bayu's so-called ex-girlfriend, Vivian, pushed Jelita when she was pregnant. 

Eventhough i've watched it, i still get excited waiting it again. Hahha. Dirl Idol is so cute. I didn't know he's in the Indonesian Idol. Damn. He's cute. Hahha.

OMG! I've been fantasizing about guys nowadays. Argggh! But Boyfie will always be the no.1 in my billboard chart. Hahha.

I had a small fight with my sister just now. It's kinda sensitive. She scolded me for being a two-face bitch. Because i cover myself up from head to toe when i'm with my family but not when i'm out with friends or Boyfie. 

To be honest, I wasn't prepared to wear 'tudung'. Seriously. If possible, I don't want to wear. But when I think about my mom and dad, aku jadi kesian dgnn dorgg. People always say, "dosa kita, kita tanggung sendiri la". It's true. But you guys forgot one thing. Dorgg pon tanggung dosa jugak. Bila kita buat salah, dorg pon under the spotlight. We're still under the care of our parents. I'm still living under the same roof as them. Selagi aku belum kawin, syurga tetap pada kaki ibu. Sebagai seorang anak, I have to listen to them. Eventhough sometimes i disagree. They just want the best for me.

I'm already into this 'motherhood' thing. And as a mom, I want my children to listen to me. Sometimes i hate my mom, i wished she's not my mother and stuff. But when I think back again, I wouldn't want my daughter to say that to me. 

The thing is, i'm trying my best to please my parents. And the only thing that i could do right now (since i'm already screwed) is to at least wear a 'tudung'. Lagipon, it's a way for me to biasa kan diri aku dgnn this 'tudung' thing. Nanti kalau dah tua pakai, kekok pulak kan. So, biasa-biasa kan la. Lagipon, I told my mom that I won't be wearing it when I go to school or to anywhere without my family. Aku pon nak enjoy, kan. Lagipon, bukan nye hari-hari aku kluar dgnn parents aku. So, it's a fair deal. They get their share and i get mine. So, semua orgg happy.

I'm not a two-face bitch, ok adik. I still act normally with or witout one. I've even smoked when wearing a tudung. Two-face or not, itu dari pandangan orgg. But to me, i'm still the same. I still rock when wearing tudung. I don't wear it so that others may think that i'm good. If only Boyfie don't feel kekok around me wearing tudung, I would have wear it all the way.

Sebenar nyer, aku malas nak explain. Adik, hope you read this. Lagipon i can't change your mindset. Kalau kau nak fikir gitu, kau fikirla gitu. No one have the right to judge me. And I don't have the right to shut your mouth. So, let it be.

I'm happy with the way I am right now. But i'm actually trying to put on a little weight. Hahha. I miss my fat-ness. Orgg kater, kalau dah lepas bersalin, confirm gemok. But not me. I feel a bit skinnier. But still, people say i've gain weight. Pelik.