Warning:

Skip this post if you dislike hearing about my love life.

"it's all about you. it's always been."

I don't know where to start actually. we started off as friend. then we got separated for awhile and then back again. bf was so arrogant. he would always say,

from tomorrow onwards, kau buat hal kau, aku buat hal aku.

he was so garang. and everytime he talks to me, i don't even dare to look at him in the eye or even face him when he's talking. and again, he would say,

kenape everytime aku berbual, kau tak pernah nak tengok aku?

the truth is, bf, i was self conscious. i was afraid you would think that i looked ugly and plus, i was afraid of you. well, you kinda look like matrep to me. (but now, no.)

it was on my birthday that you start to be nice to me. and yes, i was really happy at that point of time. i couldn't stop smilling. finally you understand why i'm like 'this'. finally, you could accept me for who i am.

i remember the day where bf first pillion me on his SP. and also that was the day where i met his mom. and the day where we got lost for a freaking 7hours just to send me back home from Yishun. and the day that we cabot from school and we went Sembawang to eat Mee Soto. plus, it was raining. =)

that day, was the most memorable time and the most happiest moment in my life. it's been awhile since i laugh and smile. i've never felt so comfortable in my life. but being with you at that point of time, i felt like i've known you all my life. did i mention that we kissed on that day? damn, it was great.

the next day, my heart broke because of you. i don't think you know that i had feelings for you. i was really sad. i thought you would have felt the same way as i am.

i tried making you jealous. but it seems like you don't care. well, i don't know. 

you're close to S and i wasn't happy. i thought you're just playing me out. and damn was i mad. you wanted to lepak with me but i left you. you messaged me asking why i did that. and why i left you. the reason? how could you asked me to lepak with you when you're with S. i don't want to kacau daun.

i try to avoid you. but it seems like we're getting closer.

one day, bf ajak me to cabot class and hang around with him. i did. how could i reject, right? i still do have feelings for him. so, we hang around the coffee shop and moved to the void deck. we played 'scissors paper stone'. and you cheat all the way. =)

we talked on the phone till 4am. and that was the time you asked me to be your gf. you gave alot of hint but i totally ignore it. trying to act blur because i wanted you to ask me yourself.

20 November 2008, we got together. no one knows about it. you didn't want to break the news. maybe you're ashamed of me. or maybe you're afraid that people might talk about me. i don't know.

every month, on the 20th, you never fail to wish me.

now, it's already been a year. we've been through the ups and the downs. the laughter and the cries. i've seen the bad side of you and you've seen mine. inside and outside. the beauty and the beast. you wipe your mucus on me. and i wipe mine on you. you fart, i laughed. i ate your left over and you ate mine. your shit, i've seen. and you've seen, my vomit.

it's tough. but no matter what, i will still hold on to you. we never had or even experience 'honeymoon period'. it was never a smooth journey for us. i was very demanding and you're very hot tempered.

in short, i really love you. i'm just afraid that in the future, i may never see you. but i hope that's not going to happen. you're confident that we can last long. and i trust you. i hope that you will hold my hand till the end.

bf have been trying very hard to make me happy. i know, it's very hard to satisfy me. and i know that i'm very demanding and i must have what i want. and yet, you still give me whatever i asked for. my attitude is ugly. i know. 

i just can't wait till school reopens. finally i can be with you 24/7. i just miss you dearly. we haven't been spending much time during this holiday due to some reasons. and we haven't been talking on the phone lately. i understand that you're busy working.

i wish that i could tell you how much i love you but my alter ego... haiz. 

hope that you are reading this, bf. i will never cheat on you. you don't have to worry about me contacting with other guys. because to me, you are the best guy. you pamper me, you make me smile, you could tahan with all my perangai. even my parents can't do that, you know. i'm just so lucky to have you. everytime when i'm on the bike with you, i feel so proud. proud to have you as my bf and proud to have baby sparkie who is so damn sexy. =)