“Life is like a spinning wheel. Sometimes we’re on top. At times we’re at the very bottom.” I totally agree with this statement. What goes up, must come down. Basically, nothing stays. Nothing stays forever. Eventually, we’ll lose out and lose everything.

My life right now is currently at its bottom. I’ve never been in this state before. It feels like my world has crushed. It has crushed into pieces. But I believe, one day, I’ll be at the top. Just like the spinning wheel. But wanting to be at the top requires hard work, determination and definitely a lot of patience. In order for me to spin the wheel, I need to push, right? So, in this case, I need to push myself so that I could be at the top.

Being me is so hard. No girls would want to be in this state. There’s no more option. No choices for me to choose. I have to face the music. I must learn from my mistakes. But this one, I guess it’s too late for me to learn that mistake. It’s true that I can never turn back the time. If I could, I wouldn’t have done this. Who would?

Never will I think that I would go through this situation. I thought, “This wouldn’t happen to me.” But it just did. I thought things will work out Ok but no. It just gets worst. I regret.

No point crying. Cause crying doesn’t help. All I could do right now is just be patience and cheer up. Being moody each single day won’t help me either. I need to be focus in my life. I need to be focus of what’s going to happen in the future. I need to think. I need to be mature. I need to make my own decision. I need to be independent. I need to learn to care for others. I need to be responsible. I need to be an adult and think like one.

It was very hard in the beginning. But with all the support and help that I can get from my loved ones, I think I’m going to be fine. To be honest, it’s not cool to be like this. It’s not a laughing matter. It’s no joke, seriously. It affects my life, my future and definitely people around me. It will affect the way I behave. The way I handle situation. Hopefully, God will help and show me guidance to the right path. I totally regret. 

And now, I’m like a fool. People staring, people talking, people hating, people liking... Being famous for the wrong reason. It would be nice if they ask for my autograph. Ha-ha.

Dear, if you are reading this, please help me. You know, there’s no option. Only you can save me from this misery. But if you don’t, I really don’t know what to say to you. Right now, it’s really up to you. “Yes or No”. I am hoping for a yes but I know... It’s really difficult to convince you when the people around you say no. I’m left with nothing now. All I can do is pray. Pray really hard. Really hard. I love you though. But definitely, I’ll be heartbroken if it’s not what i expected. Please stick to me through thick and thin. You always say you’ll stick by me no matter what and still love me no matter what.

But I can’t force you. “My fate is in your hand.”

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People kept saying how hard their life is. How miserable their life is. Struggling from break-ups, losing someone whom you love. Come on, that's just the beginning. Wait till you're in my shoes. Then you'll know betapa tingga nyer langit itu.